Yeah, it Hurts, I’ll get Over it, Again

DC-tear

low ebb comes, again
my sword, shield against
dragging hurt, out of reach
comes cyclical thoughts
not good enough, not good enough
not good enough, not good enough

not good enough, not good enough

till comes a realization, late, so always late
like a dish accidentally pushed to the floor
you think, “why didn’t I see that?”
comes, comes, comes
this thought, this meditation, this intention

fuck you

fuck you this hurt
fuck you these tears
fuck you this insecurity
fuck you this deep-seated
self-anger of “I’m not good enough!”

fuck you, I’m going to do my best
if others don’t like it, not my business
fuck you, this hurt
fuck you

photo and poem © by DC Lessoway

Distant Horizon

fog-people-jan-25-2014

what is this nonsense, flittering
around my skull, scrawling
angry missives, knifing into
my heart’s wall

what is this brutal woe
commanding a tempest
casting distant any joy
any hint of sun’s candied blush

why does it hang around, why
can’t I shake the claws sunk
into my soul, my being
grounding me, deep

photo and poem © by DC Lessoway

 

Comes the Darkness… again

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“I see a weight on your shoulders.”
she says to me, trepidation in her voice
not the first time I’ve heard this
my aloofness, never subtle my
inscrutable countenance, an
awful poker face when
a monstrous pall settles
on my frame, distilling, disbursing
daggering my very soul with, this
plumb of depths
blotting out any possible buoyant
mood…

…how I feel for her, her unchanging
caring, joyous spirit contrasting my
‘downer’ moodiness, clearly keeping
her from the greater of life’s enjoyment

Solitary

bench-1-jan-25-2014in thought, in coveting
an abiding resolution, in
contemplation of the world
at bay of humanity
this ostentatious pane
frosted, aloof, melancholy
fixed, rigid, unchanging
garnered fifty-two years
of pained wisdom, wishes the
window’d open, to be
infected by some
gregarious being, allying me
with those on the
other side of the pane

photo and poem © by DC Lessoway

Scrape Away

I feel the walls darken
closing in my heart
so distant, are others, so
unto a remote shore, rocky
littered with anguish, a stroll
through briers tearing at my flesh
until, to the bone, the truth of my hurt
finds peace

Private War

dragon-April-30-2016comes a raging, silent beast
obscure, ill defined titan
its sharpened horns lacerate
cleave my shoulders, finding heart
flash, ignite, ancient barbed scars

reach for informed armaments
again, again, yet again
find it cracked, edgeless, rusting
breathe vigor to whet, prepare
clash under darkening skies

carry the day, dragon slayed
hostilities continue

Photo and poem (c) by DC Lessoway

Love vs grief vs joy vs bliss

Love vs grief vs joy vs bliss as I sit here dredging my soul for words
comes the upwell from my heart to salt my cheeks
all in mining sediment for sentiments conveying my truth
expressing profound love of my wife, her forever changing my life
joy of treading streets Paris, Rome, Venice or beaches of Maui
bliss of our wedding to the everyday kiss and touch, the flame of passion
then comes ache, sorrow, shock in the loss of parents, friends, an old school-mate
loss comes to us all, we must face it, or a brutal volcano we’ll become
to delve into a fictional character’s live, seeking his/her truth is to
find my own being within the crushing humanity we must endure

Release

July-1-2015-fireworks-01
impassioned moments, burden, trouble
when behind the smile, behind
perfect life, perfect family, behind
glazing eyes, hide salvos terrible, at
war with self, yet kept from the world, is to
allow their conference, assemblage, yet still
not giving over to their will, entreaties
demands, edicts, gives liberty to a
monster, colossus, brutally unburdening
striking outwardly, passing on the
hurt to others

photo and poem by DC Lessoway

Comes Grief

paris-2008-12

comes grief, on
raw, barbed feet
laying in wait, till
vulnerability, at the apex
lays bare one’s soul
to blustery laments
to noisy, snotty bawls
till spent, grief
strolls off, happy to
have been of service

picture and poem (c) by DC Lessoway