here by choice
not forced, nor coerced
within a blustery forest of trees
in a lingering corner
in overstated repose
in self-doubt’s deep end
a sheen on my skin
withered, parched taste
widened, darting eyes
what am I to say?
what am I to contribute
to the room’s general knowledge
I am of, have worth
talk to me, see me
my ego begs, wants
my heart races
my thoughts flee
as
the volume swells
the room breathes
I asphyxiate…
…and leave
© 2013 by DC Lessoway
Please Read Top 10 Myths about introverts by Jerry Brito first!
This is me.
How many networking events I’ve been to and just ended up sitting in the corner observing. Especially in film events. How many times I could have talked to great people, but never knew what to say. Yes, I do prefer people talking to me, but as I’m not well-connected nor of that interesting sort. Missed a ton of opportunities. I’ve taken the “how to network” courses but its a struggle to just walk up to someone and start a conversation off the cuff like that. It’s like a brick wall to me, my brain stops, my mouth goes dry…
And I end up pissed off at myself for not making more connections, having more friends, being more social. I also start to feel self-centered and want, if not crave that people please speak with me. Always end up going home in a sulk. Man just seeing that written down I feel like a nut. But it is the crazy process in my head.
Funny though, I was in an improv group for four years. Really brought me out of my shell (to a degree) and I believe opened my mind to a greater sense of who I am. So many I knew were floored when I did that.
I feel sorry for my wife. She says she isn’t, but I know she is an extrovert, talks to everyone and makes friends so quick. One good example is when I first met her, within a week she knew everyone on my floor when I knew one or two and had been there for two years! I know she craves that social contact and I strive to make sure she gets out there but I know I’m not great company in crowds. Poor thing.
It was a difficult to come to the understanding that it would be better that I be a writer, alone with my words, in my bubble where ever I sit to ply creativity.
Now here I am a Manager for a First Nation and find it no issue to stand up and speak for them. Yes, as it states, “because I have something to say.”
Working in retail sucks. Someone I know works retail and far too often has to suffer the whims of the nincompoop.
“The customer is always right.”
Whomever coined that phrase I’d like to wallop. At time the customer is a brinkin’ idiot, and often. Maybe it is a sense of privilege. The functional, day-to-day idea of privilege is one’s prerogative to follow one’s wants and needs to a fulfillment, or betterment of one’s life. Makes sense. Yet the human trait to “take advantage” of the situation often goes askew when the customer lords their “right” over the minimum wage worker just because. And I say “just because” because being mean is a choice. Yeah you could be having a shitty day, lost your job, had your car stolen, broke your big toe. All understandable. But to choose to take it out of everyone around you is a sign of deeper issues, flaws you need to deal with, or to state it simply: you’ve been shit on and you want to shit on others to make yourself feel better. Some of the kindest people I know are those who’ve experienced the worst. Being mean has no justification. Period.
Then there is the customer who shows up at closing or bangs on the door five minutes after closing expecting to get in. To that idiot I’d like to state the following: “At and after closing, the employees lives automatically become their own.”
I’ve been waiting for my friend to finish work and some idiot (in a suit costing more than most pay for rent) comes up expecting wide open doors (after the clearly posted closing time). I voiced my feelings about this (ie. the employees lives noted above), expecting a debate on the merits of customer service, but only was “sniffed at” and the customer walked back to the Bentley and drove off.
Thus the customer (well human being in general) I loth most is that who takes on an air of “I’m better than you for the simple fact that I have money.” No, that doesn’t make you better when you treat others as slaves. That firmly places your moral compass into the realm of a 19th century plantation owner.
Then there is the customer who is patient, always says “thank you” and is always ready with a kind word. Yes they all can’t be this person, but how they bring a fresh breeze wiping the tirades of the idiot off the day’s emotional balance sheet.
Yeah, working retail… ug.
© 2013 by DC Lessoway
moments
some, you wake up, sweating from
some, you shudder, grateful
you made it, having escaped, dark places
then comes those beautiful
consistently stemming from
beautiful thought, action
a stranger’s benevolent gesture
a smile on a stormy day
collection of such moments
and lessons therein extracted
fashion an essence
color truths, the crux
of who we are
© 2013 by DC Lessoway
Let the hate and polarization begin as an election cycle starts… freakin’ tired of attack ads that insult my intelligence while telling me absolutely nothing except who I shouldn’t vote for.
Please, do your research, quit falling for a rhetoric and realize…
Such hate and polarization is one step away from the bloodied starting grounds of genocide. Think about it. Political leaders creating an inflamed, hateful environment, feeding on the hate that is already there…
Think! Ignore the media driven hate and think about your values, and vote for who YOU believe is right and not what you are TOLD is right. How hard is it to look at both sides, walk in their shoes, understand it is multi-coloured, not black and white!
All I ask is that you think. Go to the website Elections BC and register to vote.
Below is a list of BC political websites (in no particular order). Stop by them and do you due diligence and make an informed vote!
BC Green Party
BC Liberals
BC NDP
BC Conservatives
BC Marijuana Party
etc…ad nauseum
© 2013 by DC Lessoway
all mediums tell me
outside, there, shadows
could be, would be terrorists
stranger danger
but the government’s on it
more prisons
more rules
all to ensue freedom!
no matter silly quibbling
of elected officials
I know the right
side I am on
the others
are just wrong!
isn’t it nice
I don’t have to
think for myself!
besides
War is Peace
Freedom is Slavery
Ignorance is Strength
© 2013 by DC Lessoway
our home
on native lands
from The Rock
to Haida Gwaii
a true, alluring
possessing realm
to tread the lands
one cannot forego
bearing tempestuous witness
steadfast mountains
ethereal Laurentian forests
the expansive firmament
above endless prairies
all magnificence exceeding
bounds of human wits
beneath its soils
assets abound
the dirty hands of greed
in wonton pillage
commence turning of the
natural to the unnatural
populist governance
to a corporate, hostile
monolithic takeover
and we weep for
who we once were
maybe yet
hope lies, waiting
sleeping in all
true compatriots
© 2013 by DC Lessoway
Canada has lost direction
purpose and meaning.
How at one time
we stood upon the world’s stage,
doing good for many.
But now, how we’ve
stepped away
into shadows of war,
greed, indifference.
As the people, wade
through misinformation,
from a government bound
to deeds of malfeasance.
Widening the gap between
truth and falsity
between compassion and
indifference.
A government who
with deaf ears,
turn away, grim faced
from dying wards.
© 2012 by DC Lessoway
If you must
perpetuate narrow constraints of:
sexual preference
manner of dress
manner of worship
where and how to live
whole or partial limbed
whole or partial mental abilities
if you must
begin a sentence with:
“I’m not a racist but…”
if you must
use the third person plural
“they” when speaking
of a singular act or person
if you must
believe bad people
are the majority
rather than this clear truth
they are a tiny percentage
If you must
teach your children
to fear
to hate
to judge
to reject
if you must
then
please find another friend
please go your own way
as I will mine
because while
my path, not perfect
is rough, filled with potholes
such as life will be
without such hate
without such exclusion
such constraints
my life
is freer
is engaging, alive
with more smiles
more compassion
more love
more life!
© by DC Lessoway
Please read the story of how Canadian Rebecca Marino stepped away from professional tennis.
It must have been an agonizing decision to step away from a successful and growing career. Notice I didn’t say ‘fulfilling’. Ms. Marino is a clear example of how, in our expansive human experience, private and personal fulfillment is as crucial to success than money and fame. Yes, you can be miserable or happy being rich or poor; but, striving for personal fulfillment when you are battling depression is another brutal war altogether.
Sadly enough most don’t ‘get’ this by not bothering to understand there is a real human beyond the garish image. In all forms of media, the person who is most high school (or Kardashian) popular is fawned over and exalted. This is why fame is fickle and fleeting; it is primarily superficial with no truly human depth.
Interview those in the spotlight who don’t take fame seriously, you’ll see a genuine smile, or frown if they don’t feel good that day. Because they, like anyone else have good and bad days. How many times I’ve heard people say they’d run into a star and said they were bitchy or didn’t want to sign an autograph. And how they said this singular experience changed how they looked at the star and admiring and fawning changed into outright hate, jealousy and anger. If the person can simply have some common sense and step back from the self-exalting judgment and think: “Oh having a bad day, I get it.” And move on. How hard is that?
Which leads to the additional reason Ms. Marino stepped away from tennis. The hate she had to deal with. So many, having no outlet for their jealously and low self-esteem, have to take it out on others. Don’t think I need to extrapolate on this.
I, as most others, wish Ms. Marino the best in wherever her path takes her. I hope she fights the good fight in her war with depression, and I wish I could say she is sure to win. But having depression myself, I know the battles are won, but the war continues.
(c) 2013 by DC Lessoway
